Exit Interview with the Tumor

[Editor's note. The Tumor was kind enough to sit down for an exit interview with his host.]

Kevin: You are leaving me. It looks like we have known each other for almost four months now.

Tumor: You have known about me for four months. I've known you much longer than that. You are a little slow.

Kevin: Why are you leaving?

Tumor: It’s just not fun here any more. All these drugs you take make me uncomfortable. I’m bored with your frequent hospitalizations. I think it’s just time to move on. I’ll find a better place.

Kevin: I am glad that you are dissatisfied with me. What will you do at your new place?

Tumor: I think I will start a family.

Kevin: A family? Where will you find a wife?

Tumor: I have already found one on the Internet. She's from Lymphuania. She is a Royal Tumoress, and a graduate of the Chernobyl school of advanced tumorology. I would add that she is a lymphomaniac, but I don't think you would get the joke. We plan to raise lots of little tumors. I can’t wait to get started.

Kevin: That doesn’t sound very nice. You should be stopped.

Tumor: I’m hurt. You're like a villain in a James Bond movie, plotting my demise.

Kevin: Let's change the subject. Do you have any hobbies?

Tumor: I like to read, but it is really dark in here. I also like to take long walks on the beach at sunset, but being a tumor, I don’t get out much.

Kevin: That’s too bad, but I’m not at all sorry for you.

Tumor: You will miss me now that I’m gone. Just remember, I changed your life forever.

Kevin: Yes you have. Be gone!